is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
