Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
