Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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