If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just pee around me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
