and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
