so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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