I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
