why didn't you poke me back
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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