I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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