You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
