I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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