No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
