at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize