It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
