And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
