evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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