his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
