the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
