So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
