My friends, they love my intelligence
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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