i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
