on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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