that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
