You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
