He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
