We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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