yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
