ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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