hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
