I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
