why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
