I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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