if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
