my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
