just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
