then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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