i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
