it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
