Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
