I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
