I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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