Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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