I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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