I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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