i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
