Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
