Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
