if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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