i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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