I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
