I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
