Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
