the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
