my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
