The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
