Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
