I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
