So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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