I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
