you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
