I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize