I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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