I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize