have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
