I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
