so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize