i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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