All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have fence marks all over my body
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
