sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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