dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
