I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
