I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
