I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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