I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
