we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
