If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
