I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
