**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
