East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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