I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Semen is not good for contacts.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
