Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
