this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
