I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
