It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
