All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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