I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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