i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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