made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
