if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
