What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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