thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
