This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
