chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
