why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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