I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In other news, I just burned my penis
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
