watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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