it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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